Have you ever felt like you’ve been down this road before? Like, wait a minute I already went through this a few years ago, do I have to go down this path again? Haven’t I paid my dues, done my time, learned my lesson?!?! This is how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve gone through my husband’s career change and subsequent move , a hurricane that destroyed our house, a serious illness (TN) which was debilitating until I had brain surgery to repair damage, (the suicide disease). And now my husband has guillain-barré syndrome which has made it so he has had to go on Family Medical Leave from work., we’ve sold our house and moved to a rental home and my mother now lives with us for half of the year. Life has changed dramatically!
And yet, I realize that as we walk this same road of big life altering changes and everything is topsy turvy and uncertain that what has not changed is that God is walking this path with us. In fact, God already knows the path, is going before us and is directing us as we go. He’s been there everytime! God was with us through the job change and the hurricane homelessness, the crazy illness when I couldn’t smile, eat or sing, (3 of my favorite things to do), and He is walking with us and going before us through the life-changing things that are happening to us now. Everytime He was there! It’s only been December since life has been altered in the Twachtman family but God knew before and was putting things in place as we started down this new journey and as my husband and I keep on walking we see God’s hand in everything that is happening. It’s amazing to see. I’d love to tell you about it in more detail. It’s an amazing story and it’s not over yet. My husband’s illness is one that will not be over soon. Who knows how long we will be in this rental house. Will my husband be able to work again? Will we be able to buy our own house again? Will my mom come to live with us full time? We don’t know. We only know that we’ve been here before, we weathered the storm with God’s grace and goodness and we are trusting in that same God to see us through this one too.
So, if you’re wondering how we’re doing. We’re weary and tired and sometimes grouchy and numb but we are hopeful and our faith is strong. God will see us through this.
If you’re going through a dark time, you’re feeling under attack and you aren’t sure what’s next for you I hope you will hold on to the only One who can see you through this crazy time in your life. God is the answer and faith will give you the strength to get through to the other side.
Keep on holding on!
Blessings, Barbara (aka Mrs. T)
James 1:2-8, Psalm 31:24, Ephesians. 6:10, Romans, 8:28
I realized that I have not yet told about my faith journey on my blog. So here goes…
“Feelings, nothing more than feelings.” Do you remember that old song? Well, before I asked Christ into my life I was always trying to “feel” my way to faith. I was a pretty good kid. My dad was a preacher. I was a typical kid, I had friends, loved to watch TV and play games. I went to a church every Sunday and Youth group every Sunday night and we went to camp meetings in the summer at my grandparents house. And whenever the Pastor gave an invitation to come forward to accept Christ into your life I went because I knew I wasn’t good enough to have Christ die for my sins. I’d kneel down, cry my eyes out and feel an incredible high…for a few days or weeks afterwards. But then I’d go back to doing the same old things, being selfish, prideful, going through the religious motions. Then around the age of 13, I went to a Holy Spirit retreat. There was this singing group that came to our church called The Good News Circle and they were awesome. They invited our Youth group to this Holy Spirit retreat. While I was there I heard these amazing people sing and tell their stories and I began to realize that it wasn’t about what I was feeling but about what Jesus did on the cross for me, that He took my place on that cross. I also found out that it wasn’t about me and my great track record of church attendance or being a part of Youth group or going to camp meetings and singing in the choir. It was all about a God who loved me. And I learned that God would never leave me or forsake me even when the “high” wore off. I realized that faith wasn’t about feelings but about knowing Jesus. I John 5:13 – I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.
And now I am confident that Christ lives within me and loves me and everyday I am more eager to do His will and not what I feel is right. I try to let Christ lead because I’ve learned to put my trust in Him and not my feelings. I don’t always do it right. I’m still growing and at times I fail but I KNOW now, not FEEL that God will help me through just like He said he would in His word. I struggled a lot in high school about all of the things Christian kids struggle with, peer pressure, loving myself, finding out who I was in Christ but things were different because I had begun to realize Who I needed to look to when I was struggling. I feel like my life has been a gradual climb to trust in God. These days I go to God a lot faster than I’ve done before when problems arise. It doesn’t take me long to lay out the problem at the feet of Jesus. That still doesn’t mean I don’t take the problems back or always make the right choices. Sometimes I forget to listen to God’s still small voice because I get busy and crowd God out of my life. But my relationship to Christ is so close now that it’s not long before I turn to Him and rest in His love. Jesus is everything to me. So that song “Feelings”? is just a song now and not the way I live. Because I know that I know that I know that my Redeemer lives.